Kick My Heart Down
by kaat1
Summary: If only pretending to be happy seeing the other moving on was as easy as it sounds. Carla/Peter
1. Chapter 1

_Set 2016. I was tempted to cut this into two parts but instead opted for a one shot. I'm also quite proud of the title, I don't know why but I just love it pahaha.._

She knocked on the door a second time, more forcefully. The May evening breeze brushed against her skin as she felt herself getting increasingly impatient with every second. He was back. And he was avoiding her. But Carla wasn't going to let him leave again without a single word, she wanted answers. She was tempted to kick the door down but she wasn't that reckless. Yet.

Carla had been waiting at the old number one door for too long, noticing where the the black paint was peeling away and the letter box was open, stuffed with envelopes. She could hear their family dog barking from inside and a muffled voice clearly telling it to stop. It was Peter. Eventually the door opened cautiously.

"Oh it's you," He said with a bizarre sigh of relief. Carla had nearly forgotten the sound of his voice. "I was upstairs when heard the banging, I thought it was something important,"

He must have known what he was doing, suggesting she wasn't important. He knew how to rile her up.

"Excuse me?"

He looked uncomfortable with Carla's questioning, "Oh, no I didn't mean-" He opened the door slightly further and she could see him completely. He was dressed in his typical white tee shirt and jeans trade mark, his softly bearded face looking healthier, his dark hair gelled back. Maybe Carla was expecting to see him again and feel nothing but burning hate. That not thinking or talking about her ex husband for months on end meant she would obliterate him from her memory. That he would just fall out of her head. Then, every so often, he would crawl back, flashing through her mind. Something might remind her of him. Someone might say one of his old stupid jokes. Going down the street and she would see a member of his family. She would even, subconsciously, find herself comparing Nick to him. They were so different, Carla always told herself that Nick was by far the better choice. The safe option. And now Peter was stood in front of her, the sunset only highlighting how attractive he was. This wasn't a good idea after all. And it was too late.

"What is it?" He added, with a look of concern. Their bodies were half a metre apart yet it was the closest they had been in years. As they met eye contact, the pair gave each other a half smile. Almost a mutual acknowledgement of how overwhelming this simple moment felt.

She paused. How could she answer his question when she didn't know the answer herself? What was she doing at his doorstep? She had happily moved on with her life and, by the stories she had heard, so had he. She responded with the only way she could. "I just fancied a chat."

She moved past Peter before he had chance to answer, striding through the Barlow hallway. There was a familiar scent in the room, a mixture of Peter's aftershave, Ken's cooking and the dog. It wasn't unpleasant, it was homely.

"How long are you back for?" She called out to him, in an attempt to sound light hearted as she opened the living room door. Like she didn't care.

"I'm leaving tomorrow," He confirmed as she noticed his cases still packed as they lay on their sofa. She hoped she had managed to mask her disappointment. And her relief. "I was in Liverpool for work so I wanted to visit everyone,"

Everyone except her.

"How did you know I was back?" He continued, shutting the door behind him and they stood awkwardly in the lounge.

"I saw you this morning getting out of your taxi," Carla chose not to explain how she had then sat in her factory office, mind racing about his sudden return back into her life. Wondering when he was going to beg her to take him back. Envisioning how she could gloat that she is now shagging Nick. But there was none of that. He had planned to not communicate in any way with her. Just like the last time. And she couldn't take it again, having him so close but nothing at all to settle her mind.  
Peter nodded as the tension stifled. Was he going to mention Nick or was that her job? She determined that now wasn't the time, she didn't want their union to end before it began.

"Do you want a drink?"

Carla was thirsty for a glass of red, though it wouldn't have been entirely appropriate. "A coffee, please. Milk n-"

"Milk no sugar, I know." He finished her sentence before exiting to the kitchen. She could finally breathe as he left, trying to gather her thoughts. She sat down on one of the dining chairs before leaning onto their table, it creaking as she did so. She had suggested one Christmas to buying them a new dining set. Her offer was shot down, albeit gratefully, by Ken and Deirdre; the table seemed to be a family member. And now in some ways Carla was glad they had refused, this whole room was filled with nostalgia. She finally noticed the music playing in the background.

"Didn't realise Ken's an Oasis fan," She tried to lighten the atmosphere as Wonderwall continued to drone on.

Peter smirked as he brought in the coffees. "It's Simon's, all my stuff is back home,"

It was an unusual sensation when he described Antigua as home. Weatherfield was his home, or so she had thought. He was a Northern man, somebody that looked forward to his next fag and bantered with the lads about the last football match. She never thought life in paradise was something Peter would see as his home. She never thought the move was anything but temporary.

He offered to turn it off but she refused, deciding that hormonal teenage music was far better than the alternative silences. She took a sip of the coffee as she watched him, her heart didn't feel like it was about to explode with nerves anymore.

"Where is everyone then, this isn't exactly a welcome home party."

"My dad's gone to take Simon back, Tracy's checking on her shop," He seemed uncertain to Carla, perhaps not pleased she had put them both in the situation he wanted to elude. But she needed it, if only for her own sanity. "Why _are_ you here, Carla?"

"I just wanted..." She didn't know how to finish, she didn't desire to win anymore. "Some things still need to be said, I suppose."

"Like what? You've got Nick now, talk to him about your issues," He suddenly reverted to his child act that Carla despised, his eyes still furrowed as he took some more of his coffee. And there it was; someone finally mentioned the elephant in the room.

"Stop it, Peter."

"After all that's happened-"

"What?" She interrupted, "You expected me to mope after you for the rest of my life? You want me to say that after all you had done to me, I couldn't cope getting up every morning? Is that it?"

"Of course not," He sounded a little defeated.

"Because, sure, for a long time things were that way. But then I got on with life, it was hard but I did it," Carla could feel her anger boil inside her as she retained her composure.

"I get that," Peter breathily admitted as he stared down to his mug, "I just don't understand, of all the men you could pick, why him?"

She tucked her hair behind her ears. "I didn't choose him to spite you, it just happened and I'm happy." Though she knew she didn't need to explain anything to him, for some reason it helped to clarify things for herself by speaking it through.

"I know I shouldn't ask, but were you... Attracted to him when we were together?"  
He shouldn't have asked, the man that had an affair with the babysitter. He knew how she much she used to pathetically worship the ground he walked on. But she also knew how his mind could go into overdrive.

She retorted simply, "No."

There was a brief point of quiet before he spoke, "Well the best of luck to you both,"

"Really?"

He didn't reply, leaning back in his chair as he looked to her again. She had forgotten about her intentions as she stormed to see him earlier, their exchange wasn't how she had imagined.

"Are you seeing anyone?" She asked, not sure if she wanted to know.

He shifted slightly, "Yeah but it's early days,"

She almost laughed in his face, she knew this man was not the sort of person that would mourn a relationship for two years but how he had just hypocritically grilled her about Nick, made her want to snap his neck. She wasn't jealous.

"Do you have a picture?"

He looked at her suspiciously before taking his phone from his pocket. She didn't need to know her name, her job or her personality. She just needed a face.

"She's stunning," Carla replied honestly as she saw a blonde haired woman, roughly her own age, smiling through the screen with Peter. They were somewhere abroad looking very content, it was an unexplainable feeling to see another woman with arms wrapped around him. She handed his phone back to Peter. "Promise me that you won't treat her like you did me,"

He agreed, she wanted to believe him and accept that he had changed but she couldn't. He never will change but that wasn't her problem anymore.

"Do you love her?"

Her question came out before she realised and she knew how desperate she was sounding.

He dodged her interrogation, "Do you love Nick?"

"Yes," She replied instinctively.

"Well, it seems we've both moved on then,"

They knew that never will be the case. She could see how he still looked at her, knowing the sheer thought of her and Nick together contaminated his head just as the image of him and Tina or this new woman made her scream internally. They didn't want the other to be happy with anyone else but they'd pretend to, just to prolong their conversation, regardless of how they might feel for their subsequent new partners.

She had finished her coffee, licking the rim before realising Peter's laugh. "What?"

"No," He grinned, "You always do that, it used to drive me mad,"

"Oh, yeah? What about the way you would call everyone love, it went right through me." She quipped back with a smirk, secretly missing it.

"Sure it did, love," He chuckled, his smile still sending her crazy. "Well, I don't miss your cooking either,"

"I'm getting better at it actually," She hoped he didn't mentally see Nick teaching her, rather enjoying how their conversation altered.

"Okay, I'll believe that from the lady that once tried to cook pasta without water,"

"Don't bring that up!"

They giggled together and it seemed almost as if they were one again. Yes, she still hated his guts but she hadn't remembered how much she adored to just talk to him, they had so many memories in the years they shared together. Seeing Peter now, she could nearly fall in love all over again. And then she would just vision Tina and want to throw him under the nearest bus.

"How is life, Carla, I mean really?" He asked as their laughter broke away.

She chewed her bottom lip before she spoke, "It's good, right now it's good,"

He genuinely seemed pleased for her as he looked on warmly, "I'm glad," their eye contact held for seemingly eternity before he continued, "I heard about the gambling,"

She breathed slowly, don't ruin it. She said, "It's done with, don't worry." It was truthful as they nodded knowingly at the other, "You?"

"Ditto,"

This was probably the first time in a long while she looked at him and actually liked him. And they weren't even together. She didn't feel hugely guilty either, he was like an old friend.

Her mobile alerted at that moment before she reluctantly checked it. A text from Nick.

 _Where are you? X_

Peter must have noticed her change in mood as she hurriedly put her phone away. "Was it him?"

"I probably should head off soon,"

"Yeah," he stood up with her and they both unthinkingly wrapped their arms around each other, into a not quite platonic hug. "Look after yourself, won't you?"

"And you,"

They pulled away, scared she otherwise wouldn't let go. Neither of the two conscious of the music still playing. She wanted to ask him why he had to ruin her life, why did he have to betray her when some of her happiest times were with him? Why did he have to kick her heart down? But she didn't, turning away to the door.

"Oh, Carla,"

She spun around to face him once more.

"See you then,"

She smirked at his comment, though her eyes filled. "Not if I see you first," As they repeated their parting words again, she knew at that moment it wasn't weak or even forgiveness. But it hadn't been a goodbye either. Because it wasn't the end, it never really will be.

 _Thanks so much for reading and I always appreciate reviews *hint hint* With all the Narla loving, I'm feeling very nostalgic for Carla and Peter. I quite like Nick and Carla's scenes together but I'm Team Carter forever!_


	2. Chapter 2

_I was only going to make this a one shot but I had some really lovely reviews (Thank you!)_

She leant back in her office chair, studying the monthly overview spreadsheets on the laptop in front of her, the wobbly left side armrest irritating her as she remembered she still hadn't replaced it. But she just couldn't quite concentrate on anything. Seventeen hours. It had been seventeen long hours since she had her meeting with Peter inside the Barlow living room and now he was stuck in her head like a virus. Carla had forgotten how he used to affect her so easily, putting all her focus on Nick for the past year or so. She squinted her eyes whilst she chewed the biro hanging from her mouth. Nick, he was a good guy and shouldn't have to deal with her messed up mind. He didn't need to know about her talk with Peter. It was nothing sinister, she didn't feel guilt or shame but it also had to stay secret, for his sake. Carla already felt rather angry that Peter had yet again taken a little bit of power over her.

She took the pen from her mouth and tapped it quite violently against her desk. He was gone now. He had returned to her life and left within a blink of an eye. She didn't see him again but he must have set off for Antigua that morning. Carla had kept as far away from Number One as she could, taking the longer route to her factory. She couldn't bear it if he saw her across the street and dared to smile at her, like after a short, reminiscent chat then everything was forgiven. It was in a very insignificant way but after all he had done and all the wreckage he had left behind, she probably would launch at him in a fit of rage. Or maybe seeing him once more would cause her heart to jump so high it wouldn't come back down; she knew that she wouldn't cope if she was forced to watch him drive away again, it was hard enough the first and second times.

She wanted that conversation to be their last though, it was bittersweet and final. Eventually she would stop thinking about him, she had managed it before. Eventually seemed distant because at that moment all she could do was envision his reunion with this new girlfriend. He'd wrap his arms around her body and kiss every bit of her face. He'd say he how much he missed her, looking at her with his dark brown pools. And she'd love it all, just like Carla did.

Nick interrupted her thoughts as he popped his head around her door, "Lunch?"  
His face looked adorable as he continued to smile warmly at her, his grey eyes watching her expectantly. He was still completely oblivious to how she was silently sending herself crazy. Carla grinned back at him as she logged out of her computer and grabbed her bag before following him out the room, relieved to escape the stuffy indoors.

They held hands as they walked along the pavement to his Bistro, her grip slightly tighter than usual. He was talking about something. About a spillage by the bar? About Leanne? He laughed, Carla laughed.

"Are you okay?" He asked as she felt their pace slow down, taking her off guard as he noticed her placidness. He spoke with such an achingly kind worry in his tone that a strong wave of self loathing rushed through her. How could she dream to let the alcoholic that shagged the babysitter back into her head? Her Nick was as close to perfect that someone could be and Peter was a walking catastrophe.

Her ex husband didn't have to matter any longer. They almost made their peace last night; hell, she even hugged him. It all seemed like a blur, like an outer body experience to have him by her side again, to listen to his laugh. But this meant that at last she wasn't filled with hate, he was nothing but a period of time in her life. They both were moving on and their relationship was history, dead and buried. There was no longer any sourness between them because they finally ended on a high. So why did he still feel like her present?

Carla rested her head against Nick's shoulder, feeling his breath on her. "I love you," she hoped that he didn't question her strange and sudden soppiness, their legs walking in unison as they crossed the road.

He responded with a surprised chuckle before he continued his story, Carla relaxed simply listening to him speak. She liked his voice, he was calm and trusting. He didn't have a low, gritty voice like Peter. She quietly cursed at herself for putting that man back into the equation again.

The sun beamed onto the pair and all she could smell was the kebab shop and the stale cigarette buds on the ground. Now was a time she could do with a cigarette. Carla didn't smoke, she hated the habit, yet every so often just the one could secretly ease her head.

"So as I apologised to the customers, Leanne went flying with a plate of spag bol,"

A smirk stretched across Carla's face at the thought of Leanne covered in spaghetti bolognese, "I hope you took a picture," She quipped, light heartedly.

They laughed and she determined that she didn't need to fly to the Caribbean sunshine to be happy. She didn't need to hang around, worrying all night if her man was going to come home, or if he was still alive; it didn't give her a thrill but a resentment for the person she used to adore. And that was all before she discovered his real betrayal. Carla tried to shake away her negative thoughts about Peter, possibly it was her own way to manage her emotions. She was happy in Weatherfield and she was happy with her Nicholas. She smiled, breathing in the heated air and soaking up her long awaited feeling of content.

"Luckily she did see the funny side,"

She grinned again at his comment, staring down the street. It was quite busy as some of her machinists spent their lunch hour together.

They soon were approaching Number One, as Carla felt her insides knot up. There was a Street Cars' taxi outside; maybe Ken and Tracy had just returned from the airport. She then spotted a suitcase by their open door. Maybe Peter was still inside, only a few yards from her, about to leave at any moment. She should have picked up her speed, to avoid seeing him for another time but somehow she did the opposite. Carla looked to Nick, he had taken his phone out, perhaps checking the time or if his battery was still charged. He was distracted. She curiously looked back across the road.

Someone had gotten out of the taxi. She was slim, had mid length, straightened blonde hair, a deep tan and was laughing with Steve as she paid him. She was the woman in the photo, with Peter.

Carla felt her shoulders collapse as she continued to watch. Ken came out and gave her a brief hug, not long after that Peter appeared. He had his arms wrapped around her, just how she had seen from the image on his phone and the two looked enraptured together.

She seemed like somebody that had never drank excessively or gambled in her life, somebody honest and bubbly and everyone enjoyed to be around her. The exact opposite of Carla, the exact opposite of Peter. She must have nothing in common with him. But to see first hand the way he looked at her, full of love and admiration, it was like a knife through her chest. He used to look at her like that, she thought he looked at her in that way only yesterday. And he was entirely unaware of Carla's burning gaze.

It hurt to witness that Peter had truly moved on, like she had. He wasn't supposed to. Why was she here?

She wanted to march over there and ask this woman if she knew the other side to this shiny, fresh Peter; the one that drinks, cheats and lies. The one that just a matter of hours ago had a very cosy conversation with her. Inform her that they hugged for perhaps a little too long, the heat between their bodies was unmatched. But she then recalled telling him to treat her well; she had pretended to be pleased for him, just as he had done for her. Carla continued to walk past with Nick. She had to.

And she couldn't help herself as she glanced back around. Peter had noticed her, their eyes met as he appeared to be apologetic but jealous simultaneously. How was that possible? Yet it must have been the same look etched all over her. She tried out a weak smile in his direction before turning away.

 _Quite short but should I continue? A different feeling to the previous chapter, a bit more jealousy and conflicted emotion for Carla but let me know what you thought!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Just a quick update, to link with chapter 2. Thanks for the reviews!_

"Did you see them?"

Carla just blurted her question aloud as they sat side by side in a booth, each eating from a plate of Caesar salad. Nick didn't even look up, his fork still toying with a lettuce leaf.

"Who?"

She quickly regrets questioning him, it was already as clear as water that he hadn't noticed the apparent happy couple across the street as they walked past. He finally turned his focus back to Carla, smiling as he awaited her answer.

She briefly pondered her boyfriend's reaction. He's hated Peter from the moment he first laid eyes on him; a feeling Carla wished she had in common, if only. Even they had a history between them big enough to start a war. But she couldn't seem to guess how he would respond when discovering Peter had somebody new in his life and that they were in Weatherfield. Maybe he just wouldn't care, like Carla shouldn't.

"Peter and his new woman," She answered with a purposefully matter-of-fact tone, studying Nick's eyes. She was correct, he wasn't interested as he simply shrugged then dug his cutlery back into the salad, his face didn't even flicker.

"I think Leanne mentioned her once," he spoke casually, the arm that he had draped over her shoulder seeming to loosen. Carla couldn't comprehend the words coming out of his mouth; she truly was the last to know of this new relationship, nobody thought it mattered to tell her. Possibly because she never asked about him so they didn't think she wanted to know. Yet she knew why Nick hadn't said a word before now. He didn't want to voluntarily mention Peter's name, let him enter her head again. To protect Carla and himself. Little did he know.

"Oh?" It was all she could muster or else she would sound too interested. She was interested, extremely so, and this seemed to be the only reasonable way to dissect more information. It was rather manipulative and the guilt was starting to surface within Carla.

"Alex, that's her name." He hesitated slightly before taking another mouthful of food.

Alex. Carla decided the name suited her. Just a nice, normal name. She knew she couldn't press further, needing to avoid his suspicion. Suddenly the chicken mayonnaise mess on the table next to her didn't look so inviting.

He was supposed to leave today. Just one last nostalgic meeting between the two of them, then part ways so they could both happily and separately move forward with their lives, with a positive final memory of the other. That was the score last night, albeit unsaid. And instead he had brought this woman back within just a few hours and moved the goal posts, humiliating Carla once again. But she needed to stop thinking about him, this Alex and how long they may or may not be back in Weatherfield for. She needed to leave them to it, like Nick, like Leanne. Just shrug it off.

Carla moved closer to Nick, relaxing beneath his guard. The calming music was faint under the voices in the busy restaurant. She watched the flustered waiting staff moving across the room and taking orders with a forced smile, the customers sitting, chatting and laughing. They were just people seeming to get on with their lives and not festering over the past. Carla should do the same. Or maybe they weren't just getting on with it, perhaps every single day they were dying a little more inside too.

It wasn't long before the Barlow's arrived and Carla was the least surprised. She wanted to get up immediately and leave but she couldn't do that to Nick. He'd know. Instead, she had to sit and watch; watch the new girl laugh with her inlaws and watch Peter pretend he didn't notice Carla, and Nick, opposite him. Seeing Alex looking that happy reminded Carla of herself a few years ago, before Peter ripped her world apart. She wanted to warn her, tell her to run before she gets in too deep and then burned just like all the other women that had been in his life. But she couldn't, it was none of her business.

She changed her mind.

"I'm just going to the ladies'," Carla informed Nick, detangling herself from him before she stood to her feet. She didn't bother to wait for his response as she grabbed her bag and brushed through the crowd. Hoping to go unnoticed, she headed for the exit. She needed air, just for a few minutes.

The sunny rays hit her as she pulled the door open. Leaning against the wall of the Bistro, Carla exhaled deeply. She wished it wasn't affecting her; it all made her feel weak and stupid. But she could remember how relieved she was to talk to Peter, happy to let her anger dissolve. Happy to feel like she had an old friend back, however briefly. That wasn't real, almost like a dream and she knew it but he soon let her crash down to Earth. He was doing this to her and it ached. She felt her fist clench as she stared blankly at the ground.

"Hey," It was Peter, he must have thought she was waiting for him. "I'm sorry,"

"What for?"

"She came as a surprise, I didn't know," he started his reasoning, slumping to the wall close to her. As if Carla didn't know what a surprise was; it's what you do to make a person happy, when you care for someone, when you love them. But it was an inconvenience to Peter. She wondered if he spoke about her like that, to Tina. "A week though, that's all."

"It's fine, Peter," She finally turned to him. Offering him half a smile, she was unsure if it was for his benefit or hers, as a way to reassure herself. "She seems nice, Alex."

Carla tactfully mentioned her name.

"Remember what I said, don't mess this up," She added before he tried to pat her arm. Carla quickly, _instinctively_ , moved away from his touch. "Just keep away from me, from us, yeah?"

She didn't mean to sound as harsh as she did. He stuffed his hands into his jeans' pockets, visibly hurt by her choice of words and her use of the term 'us'. Carla's walls had built straight back up and were taller than ever.

She came to him at that moment. Alex. It was bizarre for Carla to see her so close, in the flesh and not just an image on a screen or a figure a few metres away. She had quite sharp features and piercing green eyes. She tugged him, told him to come inside because she couldn't deal with Tracy and Ken on her own. Her voice was airy and she had a Southern accent. She hadn't realised Carla was near until she turned to leave, they finally locked eye contact and she then gave her a weak, surprised-to-see-her-stood-there smile. Carla had forgotten if she'd returned it. It was like she didn't know who she was and it made Carla wonder if she knew anything about Peter, what he is or the things he had done. Had he told her anything?

 _I know the story probably isn't very realistic considering everything (It is a soap though, so who knows) but I'm just writing for my never ending Carter shipping heart hahah, again please let me know what you thought!_


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